How long is too long for a dog to remain in a foster home situation before they are no longer a foster dog but have actually become a member of the household caring for them? There are probably as many different opinions on this subject as there are foster moms and dads out there. I know I am a “Foster Home Failure” (also known as FHF) a few times over. Four of my current dogs have placed me in the FHF category (however, in all fairness, I have placed many, many more than I have actually kept…)
I recently placed a long term foster (just 2 weeks shy of having her 2 year anniversary with me) into a fine forever home and am still amazed that it happened the way it did. I’m still wondering: “how did this one turn into a Foster Home Success Story (FHSS)?”
Carmen (pictured above) was just another homeless dog running around a really bad section of Elizabeth, New Jersey, a large urban Union County city, with nine (yes, 9!) 4 week old pups to care for when we became aware of her situation around October of 2006. An animal friendly Sheriff’s Officer in the Union County Sheriff’s Department enlisted the aid of an ACO in a neighboring town to help her rescue the puppies. They then called on All Star Pet Rescue to take these nine adorable little guys in.
When we saw how really tiny the pups were and realized that the mother dog was still out there, we felt that tug of emotion in our hearts telling us that we had to help that momma dog, too. We sprung into action. We prepared to drag out (again) a mammoth Haveaheart-type trap for dogs that we had recently used to capture an elusive elderly female dog with a huge mammary tumor and who was running the streets of this same city for a year or more and who the local ACOs were unable to capture. Olivia was an old beauty (a Rhodesian Ridgeback) who, after we caught her and had her vetted to take care of her health issues as best as could be expected (given her age and the severity of her health issues), proceeded to live out the remainder of her days in a loving foster home which became her final and forever home (yes, this was another FHF). More about Olivia and our escapades to capture her at a later time.
When we drove to the area where Carmen was last spotted -- an area rife with boarded up homes, garbage and used crack vials littering the streets, burned out car carcasses, etc. -- we weren’t sure what we’d find; but we brought a few of the puppies as “bait” to possibly lure the mother dog to us if we spotted her. If we couldn’t capture her that day, we were prepared to scope out the best spot to set up our huge trap to capture her as soon as was possible. We turned into the dead end street where we were told she was last seen rather apprehensively; looked ahead toward the vandalized, bricked up railway underpass decorated with gang graffiti; and slowly got out of the car.
We didn’t have much time before dusk hit (we were told not to be in this area after dark because it was not safe), but Carmen did not disappoint us. She emerged from the hole in the bricked up underpass with a tattered green collar hanging loosely around her neck and actually walked right up towards me, wagging her tail, but looking warily as if to determine whether I was friend or foe. At that same moment, a slip lead dog leash came sailing out the car window and fell to the ground near me and the dog. She flinched, immediately growled and ran away from me, back into the safety of the underpass. Crap!
We immediately went into Plan B and brought out a couple of the puppies, both of which immediately began bleating plaintively as my partner in this dog capturing adventure set them down on the ground near by the underpass. Momma dog heard them and came out of her hiding place. She hesitated at first, but came forward to investigate her babies and we were able to snare her with that slip lead leash. She was frightened, upset and fought us but we managed to get her into the vari kennel we brought along. We placed her in the back of the car next to her babies and got back in the car and prepared to drive away as dusk began to settle in. We drove her back to what would be her first foster home and where she would remain with her puppies to wean them; and where she would watch as all nine of them went into their forever homes as she still waited for hers.
In January of 2007, Carmen came to stay at my house and I brought her in to meet my three dogs and my other foster dog, Dougie. She was nasty, snarling and snapping and I had to separate her from my guys (who were in a state of shock over her hostile reaction). I was besides myself - what a mistake! I called her previous foster home to prepare her for the fact that I might have to bring Carmen back to her if she didn’t calm down. I was thankful when, within a day or so, Carmen settled into what would become her 2 year routine of tolerating all the other dogs who encroached on her personal space and her desire for her new mom’s attention.
Carmen was one of the most nervous, uptight dogs I have ever come to love. She was about 55 lbs of crazy -- like she had 10 cups too many of coffee, and she did odd things like pulling all the quilts, throws or blankets onto the floor and rolling them into balls and “hopping” them around the room or sometime rolling herself up into them. She also had a really funny sense of humor and enjoyed making me laugh at her antics...especially her "Daffy Duck" imitation.
When she and the other dogs were outside, she used to play “the dog police” and took it upon herself to break up the rough housing when she thought it was getting too serious. She also had a queer habit of not liking to walk in wet grass or mud…so if it was raining really hard, she often held her bladder for hours on end just so she wouldn’t have to go out and get wet. Or, she’d pee and poo right on the deck instead of hopping down off the deck like the other dogs did. She also sometimes balanced herself on a large 16” flower pot that was angled up against the deck and pooed and peed into that; then carefully inched her way off and back on to the deck. She definitely saw things through a different set of eyes than most dogs do and saw potential in the things the other dogs never noticed.
Carmen and her doggy sisters and brothers loved carrots -- whole carrots out of the bag -- and she and they ate one each every night. They also loved sharing mom’s banana every morning. Or the occasional cheeseburger (plain, of course) at lunch that she’d share with the others.
She didn’t like sitting in mom’s lap but loved sitting along side her, wrapped up in a blanket or under one; or she sometimes would squeeze in between my back and the back of the lounge chair I often sat in to read the paper and would put her head on my shoulder and look over at the newspaper as though she was perusing the news along with me.
I sometimes caught her watching TV and looking intelligent enough to be actually getting something out of it. And Carmen had the most “ghetto fabulous” nails I have ever seen. Long and curving, and she could dig them into you as she made her point about needing your undivided attention NOW. We managed to get them trimmed down to a more realistic length (but she was never real happy with the process). I once tried to trim her nails myself and got some Acepromazine (a drug that makes a dog sort of dopey and less nervous) which I gave to her. She got pretty loopy while under the influence, but it was impossible to trim her nails even then as she flopped around on the floor like a huge tuna just reeled onto a too small boat. After that, I decided to leave it to the professionals - the vet or the groomer. (Fortunately, I have a very tolerant groomer and he managed to get the job done with no problem).
Carmen never played fetch and never seemed to even notice any of the dog toys strewn about the house - she just didn’t know the first thing about playing. Then one day last spring, she started playing with a rubber squeaky ball, just tossing it around and gathering it to her every once in a while. It was sweet to watch her as she began to learn how to play like a curious puppy when they find a new toy. As she slowly developed her social skills to be able to play with a couple of my more mellower male dogs, I was pleased to see her emerge from the nervous, high strung, hostile, and scared homeless dog who was forced to fend for herself into a secure, content and much loved pet.
In December 2008, as I was beginning to prepare to get my 4 dogs licensed for the coming year, I looked at her and thought “January 15th will be Carmen’s 2 year anniversary with me. I think, at this point, she is never going to go to another home, so I better just fill out that 5th dog license application and make her official”.
I felt a little sad for her…not because I didn’t love her but because she was never going to know a real home where she was the “one and only“, the “apple of her owner’s eye“, a pampered “only pet”. She would always have to share my attention with at least 4 other dogs, the hours I was away at my full time job, and my family obligations caring for my elderly mom in her house every day. I guess being that she had never known anything but the mean streets of Elizabeth, her current situation must have seemed pretty good to her.
Joan and Vito are a nice couple from down the Jersey shore who just happened to be looking at a website of rescued dogs that were looking for homes when they spotted Carmen. They had lost their beloved dog to the poisoned food in the FDA recall 2 years prior and it took them that long to finally decide to let their hearts open up to love another pup.
They were immediately smitten by pretty Carmen and determined that they just had to meet her. They filled out an electronic application and sent it in. It was forwarded to me as her foster mom. I was pleasantly surprised that someone showed some interest in Carmen, but was not expecting anything to come of it. Carmen had been adopted out once (for a few days) and promptly returned by an odd couple who insisted she was a Pitt Bull and was therefore dangerous and who insisted that we misrepresented her to them. We gladly took her back… Then there were several young women and a couple of families over the next year or so who expressed interest in her; but when I took her to meet them, she always “acted out” or seemed to have no connection with them, or they with her. It was perplexing to me, but I thought that maybe she just didn’t want to leave me anymore.
So I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular with this particular application, but I felt I owed Carmen one more chance to have a home of her own where she could be an spoiled “only” dog with one or more humans at her exclusive beck and call. I arranged a meeting with Joan and Vito at a local shopping center near me and they drove up to meet her.
Carmen was charming and engaging beyond anything I have ever seen from her before. She greeted Joan and Vito and even gave them some of her sweet quick little kisses. She worked them like I have never seen her work a potential home. She even hopped into their van and sniffed around as if to say “this is pretty cool! I’ll like riding with you in this van!” Reading Carmen’s body language, I could see that she genuinely liked these people.
Long story short, they loved her in person even more than they loved her picture and since she liked them right back, we made arrangements for the very next weekend where I would drive her down to see how she would react in their home. When we arrived, she was great with them, but still nervous. They thought she was the best dog in the world for them and decided to finalize the adoption.
I told them that it was ironic that their dog died 2 years before - which was when I first got Carmen to foster. So, essentially, I was not fostering her at all for those 2 years; I was watching over her for them while their hearts healed enough to let Carmen’s sunshine in to brighten their lives again and to bring back to them the joy of having a pet to love and care for again.
We finalized the adoption and I had Vito bring her outside into the back yard when I left out the front door so that she wouldn’t stress when I got up to leave….the hard part for me. I never like leaving them, it’s like leaving a part of your heart behind. A big piece of your life.
I found out later that Carmen did fret when I left; that she kept going from room to room looking for me for about a half hour or so. But she is a smart and a resourceful girl, so she just did what she has always done. She took stock of her situation and made the best of it; then she settled in to her new (and better!) situation.
Her mom says she doesn’t eat carrots or bananas anymore, that she likes to cuddle on her mom and dad’s laps and that she snuggles in bed with them at night. Oh, and she loves her toys and enjoys playing with them all the time, much to mom and dad’s delight. Thank goodness she at least still retains her fabulous sense of humor, otherwise I wouldn’t know her anymore!
So in answer to that opening question: How long is too long for a dog to remain in a foster home situation before they are no longer a foster dog but have actually become a member of that household caring for them? I think Carmen’s story shows me that there is no clear cut answer to that question. I believe that each dog and each foster situation is uniquely different. Most of all, I believe that it is up to that foster dog to decide where they want to be, after all, and if we pay attention to their signals, they let us know in the end.
I know when I go to visit Carmen one of these days soon, she will be deliriously happy to see me because she never forgets a friend. But, she will not need to be with me anymore and she will not fret when I leave because she is finally Home.
